Diamond ring

Son,

In a shallow meditation I had yesterday morning, a topic I like to discuss with you emerged and my concentration was ruined so I set my thought free to roam all over this one, Diamond Ring.

I remember that you recently told mom after you finished dinner and was leaving for your room to practice your guitar, that you probably will propose to your girlfriend during the upcoming school holiday trip to Melbourne. But you had not got the diamond ring ready yet for the proposal.

I did not know that diamond ring is a must-have when a pair of boyfriend and girlfriend in relationship has come to the stage of planning a wedding, then, the first thing the boy has to buy is a diamond ring. As if among the many stages of the young people’s journey toward marriage nowadays, there is one stage that can be referred to as “diamond ring stage”.

Diamond is known as being unbeatable, undestroyable, most bright, most sparkling and etc, all in all, it symbolizes every positiveness of one's marriage. Everyone is longing for a harmonious relationship, an eternal loyalty, and may be out of their subconsciousness, they think their marriage can be assured to achieve all of these quality a diamond ring has.

However, that is just a symbol, just a stage where young people of your generation all believe it can bring happiness and harmony to them throughout their marriage life, or it is simply a fashion to them and everyone simply doesn’t want to be left out. Less people are calm enough to realize that all that is indeed a blessing or a guarantee to retaining their affectionate marriage life is not from the external diamond ring but the internal virtues both of them cultivate and observe constantly.

From the movies depicting the marriage life of a couple, usually see their very affectionate wedding photo magnificently framed and hung over the most outstanding position of the living room. And one day, they begin to fight on trivial problems, and it goes on and on, often and more often, and then finally one of them erupts anger and throw the glass of wine they are holding in hand onto the photo, drag it down from the wall, and shatter it. Interestingly, this kind of scenarios are seen in the movies or TV dramas a lot, and I believe there must be a lot happening in real life. It reflects a fact, the external decorative jewelry or magnificent wedding photos are not reliable, are not the guarantee of a happy long lasting marriage. They are just items wasted; items to make the expectation seem to be very absurd.

Of course, there are examples that they follow all of these fashions of large framed wedding photo, expensive diamond ring, and are in a profound marriage throughout their lives. But those items are not necessarily to have to be pursued, are they?

Suppose you treasure my opinions about your plan of buying a diamond ring for your beloved, the following is my idea that I take it as being significant, sacred and meaningful:

• Donate the money you originally planned to spend on diamond or huge framed wedding photo to a charity such as World Vision or Red Cross. They know how to help the people in need on behalf of you.
• Follow the most basic etiquette of engagement customs only. A no frill gold ring, an outdoor ceremony party with tea, lots of photos out of your iPhone camera.
• Observe constantly and consistently the virtues you have been taught.

Forget the diamond ring. Be liberated from ironic belief.

On destined fortune

This link leads to a listing of web pages containing a statement the honorable Minister of Qing Empire, Zeng Guo Fan, once said: "... believe in the destined fortune and not the acquired knowledge...(信運氣﹐不信書)". My understanding of his statement is that he believes that any of our achievement manifests by our destined fortune and not just simply from careful planning and persistent effort. He must have made this conclusion from all of his life experience.

I also agree with some other bloggers' view point of this quote. Some said that Zeng's statement was just a reflection of his characteristic of being humble and modest. while some said that instead of emphasizing his accomplishments were the result of his intelligence and hard working, he attributed all of the abundant fruition to the manifestation of his good luck. However, I personally believe that either of the aforesaid point of view shares only 30% of the truth, There is this thing labeled as Karma which is similar to the notion of fortune moving all the trivial and major incidents of our life around, and that force takes up 70% or even more of the end result.

What triggered my intent of writing on this topic was from a chat with my wife this morning. "Jean, Chi-an (our son), started his first class at 9 am, he is teaching those school boys in the school now," I continued, "how lucky he is to get a good jobuch as this." Jean replied,"yeah, two months ago, we were still worried about his job issue, and suddenly the changes brought up this happy opportunity." she said while doing the laundry. "This reminded me of a remark the honorable scholar and government minister of Qing Dynasty, Zeng Guo Fan, once said '...believe in the destined fortune and not the acquired knowledge...'" I said, "I am going to write a blog about my perception of his famous remark."

May 2 of 2011 marked the day my son started his involvement in the music education in a state run college and another five primary schools and intermediate schools. A few days earlier, he was required to be interviewed by the head of the school's music department and the principal to make sure he was the right one they wanted to recruit to train the four rock bands of the school.

The interview went well and Chi-an was formerly employed by that college. His first class will be on May 5. With this guitar tuition in the state schools plus his other two sectors of practices, his work day hours are reasonably fully booked, and so his income is expected to be sustainable. All that had happened to result in this reality to come true were so unbelievably played one after another, just as dramatic as a playwright containing the various parts of longing , anxious, frustrated, nervous, exciting, disappointing, and all sorts of feelings you name it. Fortunately the desired and expected ending turns out to be a happy one. And now I am, as the father, is noting down the bits and pieces of thoughts with regard to this remarkable episode of Chen family.

My perception of spiritual practice

In the past few years, Internet has become very popular and advanced enormously, e-mail users often send interesting or useful information to share with each other. I noticed that this trend began increasing sharply in 2000, sometimes I receive this kind of forwarding from friends whom I haven't got a chance to meet them in person, and the number of this kind of forwarding can be over 20 or more in one day. Among these articles, over 50% of them are topics relevant to the maintenance of our physical health.

I wonder if there is anyone censoring and ranking the most popular topics being shared on the Web, if there is one, I believe the results will show that most of the Internet users are careful about their health of the physical aspect, as to the mental health part, it is very seldom mentioned.

As far as I can remember, people living in the small town where I was born in Taiwan, "mental health" was rarely heard of before 1960 in spite of the fact that there were insane people wandering on the streets in those days. As humans civilization progress, people began to acknowledge the importance of mental health; began to address the need of both physical and mental health. So we saw and noticed a rapid growth of the mental health service and heard of the terms such as depression, anxiety, anorexia, counsellor, psychologist. and so on.

I personally agree that if people are healthy in both mental and physical aspects, then they are really healthy people. But Buddha, Jesus, and everyone of the awakened or enlightened beings who had once lived on this planet with us, the ordinary beings, told us that we are the ignorant, sinners, wanders, strayed lambs, the unawakened. All these labels point out a fact that to the standard of the awakened sages, we are just like a patient, a sick fellow, a pitiable one, so we are not healthy at all to their viewpoint. And I believe the qualities we lack of are in the spiritual area within us. So the spiritual part of our life has been neglected or is denied of its importance.

To my understanding of Buddha's teaching, the motivation that made him spend 49 years of his life was that he wanted to share the ultimate bliss he achieved and experienced through his practice. Although he had tried his best to explain and describe what we should look for, only a few of his students understood and attained the fruition of their practice. He knew that only through diligent practice can anyone achieve that goal and realize what he had tried to teach, yet he still tried to depict what the final goal was all about, and left innumerable volumes of his teaching in a great deal of diversified methods after his demise.

What is that unspeakable goal he pursued before his enlightenment?

"The self." The self is the ultimate center wrapped by layer and layer of contamination in our mind such as: ignorance, desire, selfish, anger, and etc. Sometimes Buddha refers "the self" to "the other shore" or "the pure land" or "the Western blissful world" or "Nivana".

Although the nature of "the self" is unexplainable and unimaginable using our language, some attempts were still made to describe it. The most popular one is that the nature of the self is emptiness, albeit this one may easily mislead to a mind picture like the vast outer space looking very bleak, lonely, cold and all sort of unwelcoming qualities. I personally like the one presented by the sixth patriarch Huineng upon his enlightenment, he said, "何期自性本自清净，何期自性本不生灭，何期自性本自具足，何期自性本无动摇，何期自性能生万法"( never had I expected that the self is purely clean; never had I expected that the self is beyond birth and demise; never had I expected that the self is completely sustained; never had I expected that the self is unshakable; never had I expected that the self produces limitless beings).

The reason that we should start our spiritual practice as early and diligently as possible is that life reincarnates. After we die, we don't know and we cannot control where will we be born; who will be our parents; and this reincarnation has no end, it just repeats and repeats till one day when we finally awaken and achieve Nivana.

Now, we realize the necessity and importance of doing spiritual practice so as to achieve that wonderful goal Buddha has pointed out for us, how should we start with?

My advice is to look for recommendation from your networking a genuine and non-cult Buddhism learning group, or browsing through the webpages created by Buddhist group, and find one that you prefer the most, and then visit them and join their regular activities. You will gain the basic knowledge about Buddhism from there. And the next step is to study the basic scripts recommended by your group. And lastly and the most important step is to observe what Buddha taught.

What benefit will you attain from your diligent practice? You will feel more peaceful because the layers of contamination wrapping up "the self" are gradually peeled off, and eventually you will be enlightened and permanently stay away from the hopeless reincarnation.

So let us learn and practice the spiritual before it is too late.

Delivering Happiness

A few days ago, a friend forwarded to me a story titled "the shoe king. "Shoe King"? never heard of that, but I was curious about this very special title, so I read on.

It was a story about a computer genius Tony Hsie, a Taiwanese-American, aged 36, CEO of Zappos, the biggest shoe retailer on the Internet. I read on. His parents were from Taiwan, both graduated from Taiwan University, the top university in Taiwan. He was born in America. He was very smart especially on computer programming that when he was still at the primary school at the age of 9, he was already creating advanced programs.

At age 19, he won the championship in the world programming competition when he just graduated from Howard University, consequently, his outstanding ability attracted Microsoft's attention that the top figures of Microsoft flew to Boston from Seattle trying to invite him to be working for Bill Gates but he declined. He was more interested in building his own business that was full of the culture of his taste.

He started his business of worm farm at the age of 9 when he was still in primary school; did post shopping on stamps trade at age 12, both earned him approximately $6000 per month. During his high school days, he ran campus magazine and the revenue from advertisement earned US$200 per month for him. During his time in Howard, he rented a discarded dormitory and turned it into a Pizza restaurant.

As I read on the quite lengthy article, I extolled his achievements, particularly his spiritual aspects. The article reported that Tony's approach to money was very unusual comparing to the majority of entrepreneurs. Once he was interviewed by a program conductor. At a stage, their conversion came up to business and money issues, the program host threw a few questions related to profit, money and etc.. Tony began to become bored with the interview; he responded to the questions with short sentences and was lacking enthusiastic tone. The interviewer noticed this unique trait of his, rapidly changed the topics to his philosophy applied to his investment in business,

While almost all the businesses in the world pursue profit by reducing company spending, cutting off idling positions, Tony seems to be doing opposite way. He set many policies, such as free freight to the orders; three pairs of shoe were sent for you to choose the most preferred one and return the unwanted; No restriction on his call center staff with the time spent in conversation over the phone. The canteen of his company provides free food and drinks to the employees. He said he believed when a company had its culture that made both his customers and employees happy, then the culture will naturally develop toward prosperity.

He published a book titled "Delivering Happiness" during the end part of last year.I haven't got a chance to read it yet. But from the book reviews posted on the web, I know it covers his almost legendary business activities and what each of them had taught or inspired him.

I also watched the video which he lectured recently. It is a 85 minute long video from which I saw a matured young man. in a casual clothes, crew cut hair, serious facial expression, eloquently presenting his view, his thoughts of business, philosophy. What a decent, superior, humble and successful young man. As he is related to Taiwan-- a small country but has directly or indirectly produced eminent people like Tony, and this makes me proud of being from Taiwan too.

After I have listened Tony's speech the other day. I was impressed by the part about his call center in Zappos. He said that he asked his staff to be the caller's friend and make them happy, thus he did not set limit on time spent on any single case. I was skeptical about this instruction he gave to his call center staff. My personal experience in calling to any customer service of company impresses me that all the customer service teams are asked or are trained to minimize the talking time in their daily work. They try to get rid of you from the line when they think your question is answered; their tones are normally cold or even harsh. But Tony said the longest duration of talking with a customer recorded was over six hours, I could not believe, though I trust him. So I made a call to Zappos on the same day after I watched that video.

"Hi, there, I am calling from New Zealand" I said with mad tremor on my hands. "yes, what can I help you?" I honestly told him that I called for the reason of experiencing the so called Zappos culture by myself. "I heard from your boss that you don't set limit on the talking time with customer and that your longest single talking time was over 6 hours.". He said. "you are right. my longest record is one hour. but our longest record is not just 6 hours, that one is in the history now, and the longest record is over 8 hours."

I didn't talk with that call center over even 5 minutes, because I am not talkative and I don't mean to waste their time.

Tony is so successful in business. His business managing philosophy is so unique. But I believe whoever buys Zappos might go bankrupt soon if they copy whatever Tony does because there must be other factors involve in the overall business operation that is not possible to analyse by the worldly knowledge.

Chan family (詹家)

In the afternoon of 18/09/2010, someone was knocking the door. I slowly moved to unlock the door and found it was Mr. Chan standing at the door step with a warm and kind smile on his face, both of his hands holding two boxes of something. "Some freshly baked moon cake for you" he said to me. Suddenly I realized that the moon festival was around the corner, another year had slipped into the history silently and rapidly. Since Mr. and Mrs. Chan retired in 2006, they had been presenting us with their homemade moon cake prior to the moon festival.

I thanked and received the two boxes from him. I opened the boxes and saw 16 pieces of assorted moon cakes. To me these are not just cakes, they represent solid friendship.

We made acquaintance with Chan family in September of 1992 in a Taiwan countrymen party held in a Taiwanese family somewhere in Northcote of Auckland city. Since then our two families have been in contact now and then and have never lost in touch in the past 18 years of time.

My impression of this family is hard working, intellectual and humble. They raised three sons. And not only that all of them are good boys at home, they all have outstanding performance at school. No wonder in 2010, when their youngest son was granted doctorate degree of Biochemistry, we witnessed their success in creating three doctors for New Zealand in 20 years of time.

Mr. Chan himself led a good example to his three boys. He possessed bachelor degree of Chemistry from Tonghai University in Taiwan. Having immigrated to New Zealand, he worked as a Baker in a supermarket. The work hour of a Baker is normally in the midnight, so Mr. Chan enrolled himself on a further study course in the University, and won himself a master degree of chemical engineering two years later.

Mrs. Chan worked at an electrical supplies company as an assembler. In order to help with her husband supporting their three children, she took extra jobs to be done at home. The children saw their mother worked so hard, they spared their studying time voluntarily to work on the job that mother took home.

Mrs. Chan is famous in the Taiwanese community for her very talented cooking skill. During the first half of the 90s, Asian food was very rare in the market. However we've got a chance to learn from her how to make those Taiwan delicacies at home. There is almost nothing that she doesn't know how to make in terms of cooking. Although she is famous of her talent, she lives quietly in the community. Every day she goes to work in the morning, and rushes back to make dinner for the family in the evening. Unless it is necessary, never have I heard that she drops in someone's home to chat. All her time is for the children and the family, and for their friends who are in need of help.

When I was going through my career crisis in early 2003, she quietly sought for any job vacancy through her personal networking for me. She has a nephew working for a computer company in Auckland. Her nephew is in a position of recruiting new staff to assist him. And one day when I paid a visit to their place, she said to me in a kind tone, "don't have to worry about job, go to see my nephew when your current job is vanished." Though I did not turn to her for help that time because a miracle fell upon me and made me secure a good job, her kind enthusiastic support conveyed through that few words is never erased from my memory.

Having three excellent grown-up sons, their retirement life is very secure of course and they are simply able to enjoy a very wealthy style of life, but they are not. Almost every time I rang them to make an appointment of visiting them at their place, they are always at home to answer my call. Mr. Chan is always working in the garden or on some housework, while Mrs. Chan makes simple but delicious food in the kitchen.

Although their three children secretly discussing which one among them should be living close to where their parents are so as to look after them. But Mr. and Mrs. Chan frankly told the three children that they should not be worrying for them for the time being, and it is okay for them to go to any place in the world to actualize their potentiality. So now all three of their children are in big international research or financial institutions in Europe and Australia. Here, in Auckland live this pair of very happy mum and dad being busy in the kitchen and in the garden respectively.

On happiness

I ponder on this topic very often, especially often when I'm getting older.

I am 59 at the time of writing this article. It is said that Buddha began his exploration on this issue from early part of his teens stage, and resolved to find out the cause of suffering. So compared to Buddha, I am late awakened to this issue. I think most of the creatures are late awakened, or are never awakened to this subject.

Some people disagree that life is full of sufferings. "Life is happy! At least mine is a happy one." they would say. But, "are you really happy all the time? Throughout your life?" if you ask them so. "Well, of course not all the time, never it will be throughout our lives. But why do you have to pay attention to those miserable periods and embrace them all the time? Isn't life short, and we should be happy?" they would so argue, and defend their proposition.

But if life is supposed to be happy, why are there so many unhappy, or even horrible news such as homicide, kidnap, domestic violence, divorce, sickness, aging, mortality, having to deal with people whom you dislike, having to part from the people whom you love dearly, and etc. maybe these are just examples of trifling matters. What about the unhappy things of the far more significant incidents? World war, ethnic groups conflict, political conflict, economical conflict, SARS, swine flu epidemic, and many other examples which you are more knowledgeable to help listing them on here.

We cannot ignore the fact that we do have unhappy period of time in our lives despite that it is also true that we have happy period of time in our lives as well.

I'm only trying to sort out why people are not happy; when will people feel unhappy...this sort of questions. Because if we know the answers, then we should know how to remain happy all the time, throughout our life, and even eternally. I believe many other people in the world agree with my logic -- admit that people are not happy, then go to find the answer, then at last we all can be happy.

I searched on the web; I deciphered the thoughts of the authors through reading; I discuss on it with other people who also pondering on this issue, but I have not found any solution that is effective enough to make one happy instantly when he is unhappy.

As a matter of fact, all my effort in searching for solution of making people happy is an unnecessary waste of time. Because what? That solution was already found by the Buddha some 2500 odds years ago. You can be as happy as a Buddha if you are resolved to practice what the Buddha has taught.

He said the cause of suffering is from "the three poisons", and if one drops off these three poisons completely, he attains the Buddhahood, and he will be really happy eternally, and never suffers. How cool this guarantee is! But how to actually shake them off? It is always a matter of easy to say but hard to do.

What are the three poisons? They are craving, hatred, and ignorance. Indeed if we analyze any evil act, we will find there is always one, or are two or all of the three poisons involved in the incident. All the news we read from newspaper are good examples for finding the traces of these three poisons involved in the cases reported.

I want to raise an example about a homicide case which occurred about three years ago in New Zealand. A martial art master killed his young wife, then he took his daughter, three or four years old at that time, and fled to Melbourne. There he dumped his daughter in the railway station, and escaped to the United States. Let's use this example for tracing the root cause of this family tragedy. Obviously a great deal of hatred was in the husband's mind. Of course there were other factors preceding his killing, and logically those factors were unhappy ones. His evil compulsion that drove him to grab the knife to terminate his wife's life had made many people not just unhappy, but suffering, acute suffering.

If we are convinced that the three poisons are the causes of suffering, then we would like to know how to clear the three poisons from our mind?

The answer from the Buddha was the "three trainings" -- precepts, meditative stabilization and wisdom. These terms sound bleak, heavy and very serious. But that is because they are recorded in the Sutra which of course is meant to be sacred and serious in every way, but their actual meaning in today's language is like this -- obey the rules, Mindful of what you are doing, and finally you are enlightened.

Despite that the teaching has been followed, interpreted, and yet only a very few wise beings are enlightened, or enter the eternally happy state, or have completely transformed to be free of the three poisons. Obviously it is not easy to achieve that goal, so what is the point for those compassionate Saints and sages to be preaching this teaching diligently, perseveringly and wholeheartedly?

My understanding is like this. We know it is good to be happy; we were taught the method to achieve the happy state and sustain it; we all agree that the logic of this teaching is true. Now because we see that only a very few mortal beings mastered this skill in the past two thousand and five hundred years, we think perhaps it is wiser to just indulge ourselves in the wordly pleasures. What will be the outcome if this logic is adopted by every single mortal being on the planet? All gone to the hell realm ultimately, the theory points out.

In contrary, if every single mortal being on this planet has at least awakened by the belief that what they are endeavored to achieve is unlikely to come true in this life, but it is a bit of positive effort in the process of evolution toward the divine realms -- the eternally happy state; the non-birth and non-death realm, so he just wades through the difficulties inch by inch, then one day, either in this life or the life after the next, he will attain that state, definitely.

I think this is the only way and the only hope to obtain a genuine happiness -- even if not in this life, but definitely will be obtained when the notion of time is ignored and only the effort of walking on the right path is being focused on.

This concludes my ages long contemplation about why people are not happy-- we all embrace more or less the "three poisons".

Marriage -- Then and Now (part II)

My previous blog post is to some degree in favor of the notion that "marriage is the grave of love affairs". I got to hide that post away from being seen by my wife. To my view point the female agree with this saying more than the male do, but once they got married they tend to bury it deep in their minds and try not to mention it. Because otherwise, what can they do? They are locked up, and so do the male.

It sounds very miserable, isn't it? It is true. I have seen so many real examples including my own case, none of them is free from complaining each other occasionally. I believe when they engage in verbal fighting, the saying of "marriage is the grave of love affairs" comes up their mind. It is a very powerless situation, you just got to be conceded with the reality.

I believe there is almost no exception among all the married couples in the world that throughout their marriage life they never had the thought of getting divorce flashed across their minds. I say so, because it arose in my mind many times, though fortunately it did not stay forever, otherwise if it manifested a step further, it will definitely hurt the relationship and consequently will bring marriage into the grave for sure. If all my friends and relatives say that my marriage is a very harmonious one, and yet, the aforesaid secretive thought of mine still arise occasionally, then you will realize how delicate the marriage life is, and why the divorce rate nowadays rockets year by year in our society.

I'm not saying to my next generation that marriage is dreadful; is fragile, and so they should stay away from marriage, and lead a celibate lifestyle throughout their life. Actually I'm trying to make clear my disposition about marriage as that it is our responsibility to get married and to manage it nicely if we tick yes to most of the following guidelines.

1. Are you healthy physically and mentally?
2. Are you on a full-time job, or in a business that can support your family financially?
3. Do you agree that he or she has certain characteristics that attracted you during your dating period?
4. Do you think that on major issues such as religious belief, political stands, moral values yours are quite agreeable to your partner's?

Give your answers to the above questions honestly, and if all the answers are positive, then, man, especially those with good genes, should find no grounds to stay away from entering marriage, because marriage is a form of guarantee; commitment; duty; actualization to your love affairs. Despite that it is true, we still see a lot of candidates wandering about the door of marriage, being reluctant to enter it, until some new factors emerge and force them into either marriage or flight. And I think choosing flight is the majority.

Why is that? There are many factors that can fire a flight. The most common one, as far as I can think of, is the fading love ingredients. When a relationship gets stuck in this situation, both of them suffer, and I finally realize why there are psychologists or counselors everywhere nowadays.

I'm not a psychologist so I cannot help people in this type of suffering scientifically. But I believe the cure can be found in tradition and in spiritualism. My prescription will be like in the following.

• Avoid living under the same roof, or observe strict celibacy for as long as possible before marriage.
• Spare at least 15 minutes every day to proceed indoctrination, brainwash. Get your preferred passages from Bible, Sutra, or whatever that last 15 minutes long when you chant those inspirational passages.
• Believe in causality. Believe that everything we do matters, even a very trivial deed brings its consequence. So be conscientious in what you did, what you said, what you thought.

Sounds very stupid? But when you paid the bills to the professional and still get no cure, then this is one you should try, at least it is free, and all you could suffer is 15 minutes, but most important is that you have done something to the rescue of your marriage issue.

Marriage - Then and Now

There was a popular saying in the early 1960s in Taiwan, "marriage is the cemetery of love affair" so it said. This phrase was often heard during my junior high school days. Young people, especially female, in that era liked to comment on marriage by quoting that phrase whenever a hot debate or chat on that topic was coming to an end.

As a small boy I, in my early teens, dimly understood what that phrase meant. It was the fashionable way of saying "once you get married, love affairs will be gone" in those days.

Looking back, I am very sure it was because young people at that time was beginning to have more freedom in making friends with opposite sex. Once they began to go dating with each other, they were overwhelmed by the sweetness, nervousness, and excitement that streamed out of their love affairs. But all these honey tastes faded away soon after they got married due to various reasons. Then they concluded, "marriage is the cemetery of love affairs", this must be it.

I remembered it was during 1960s when the romance fiction writer,Qiong Yao won the position of the most the popular novelist in Taiwan. Her stories captured the hearts of young people, particularly girls. Her books were brought to school secretly because the disciplinary authority of the school was very annoyed to see so many girls reading Qiong Yao's fiction during the class time.

I agree that Qiong Yao's fiction has some magic power. I remembered in the summer vocation of my second year in the junior high school, when I was about 13 years old, I found a copy of Qiong Yao's fiction placed on sister's desk.

Before that day, I used to be criticizing her fiction as unhealthy and depressing, and I had never read any of her books. But out of curiosity that day, I picked up the book and started reading it. As soon as I had finished the second page, I was totally absorbed into the story titled "outside the window". It is a story about the love between a high school student girl and her most admired class teacher. I was so deeply fascinated by that story that I read without a break throughout the night and finished it in the next morning in one go.

Therefore under the influence of Qiong Yao's fictions, I witnessed the beginning of what was then called "free love", meaning, unlike their parents' generation in which abiding by match-maker's arrangement was a tradition, instead, they are free to pursue friend of opposite sex whom they admire. Qiong Yao's books brought young people abundant of imageries about the beautifulness, sweetness, excitedness or even bitterness of love.

I think that was why my generation saw most of the young people never hesitated in entering the marriage. That covers across a range of life stages, for instance, pursuing, love-letter writing, dating, engagement, wedding, parenting. And if they are lucky enough, they fulfill their marriage successfully till the end of their lives.

Unfortunately a great percentage of marriage falls in the following pattern.

The sweetness remained growing steadily during the dating period and reached its peak when they just entered their marriage stage. Then the sweetness found in the love affairs started its declining process. Why? Because there are so many factors that may shake the foundation of their love affairs, such as parenting, if they have children right after their marriage; bills to be paid; relationship issues relating to in-laws; and etc..

Most of the marriages are maintained in a functional only state in my generation, only a very few of them are able to claim that theirs are the sweetest and the most successful ones. Though many of them are disappointed with their marriage lives, the traditional values such as mutual respect, toleration and patience and etc., taught by their parents and in school do help them manage to keep their marriage moving forward.

Thirty seven years after I got married, I am now watching how my next generation's marriage philosophy is like. My observation tells me that a majority of them dread the idea of getting married. Why? I think it is something to do with the overall out-of-balance of materialism and spiritualism in the modern society.

The materialism is looked upon as far more important than spiritualism, and this results in herding the young into a logic of material guarantees successful marriage. So, before they reach their preset goal of income, they tend to avoid entering marriage. But the material world changes so rapidly, by the time they reach their preset goal, the income has been devalued or more new stuff are there to tempt their desire, so they have to reset the goal, and it seems to be endless, just like a dog chasing its own tail.

People tend to think that the more money you have the more successful your marriage will be. Most people believe money is equivalent to happiness. But the ancient saints and sages have already told us that is not true. "Happiness comes from within", they said. And this is what the spiritualism is about.

So my advice to my children is to constantly watch the scale of materialism and the spiritualism in the mind and always keep them in balance, and leave the rest of the matter to the hands of Buddha.

A Baby Boomer's Memory

Born in 1951, I am a baby boomer. Recently when I get a chance to be meeting with friends of my age group, the chatting topics are more or less related to the planning of retirement. Indeed, the baby boom generation has entered their retiring stage of life.

What a shame, time has to pass by so swiftly that all of a sudden I am turning 60. Now recalling my childhood memories in 1950's, it feels like just a short moment ago. From time to time, I fall into the dream-like past. I think I should pass these bits and pieces of my childhood memories onto my children.

Taiwan of 1950's was still in its agricultural economy. Being an agriculture island, the living style in those days was simple and hard. A rice farmer worked so hard whole year round in the paddy with his water buffalo could only expect to feed his family without much surplus for saving in the bank. If there was a typhoon hit unfortunately, then the whole family got to cut their food in order to make end meet. Sometimes, the loss was too big to fix, selling child was not unusual. My mother was actually an example of this misfortune. Her story is accessible in this link.

We owned some farming land in my grandfather's day. During 1950's, KMT government launched Land Reform program aiming to improve farmers' living and divert the landlords' asset to investing in other industrial projects. This program, as I had heard vaguely from my father when I was young, made a lot of farmers cheerful and many resentful landlords at the same time. I could sense what my father felt about the Land Reform from his admonishing to me a few times that I should never get involved in politics.

Before all our lands were transferred to the farmers, we managed a small piece of land by our selves. That was my last impression of our family's farm land. One day, I think it was an autumn afternoon, I was brought along to that land.

It was the harvesting day of our rice paddy. We hired a couple of farmers to do the job as none of our family members was able to do such tough task. To local customary, the employer was supposed to provide daily the three meals plus two refreshments for the breaks in between the meals.

I was not yet at the school age, but I have retained a vivid memory of that day's field visit till now, so I should be around four or five years old then.

Three of my elder sisters hand carried the lunch to the harvesting site for the farm workers at the mid day. The sun was scorching hot. When we arrived, sister ran to ask the farmers to stop for a lunch break. I saw them walked out of the rice paddy with a broad rimmed cone top bamboo leave hat on their heads and a thin shorts only on their body. Their skin was almost dark brown. They smiled, and their eyes beamed at the food placed on the ground attentively as if they had been starved for a long time.

We waited nearby under the tree shade for the farmers to finish their lunch. While waiting, I felt the pleasure radiated from the farmers. The surrounding was very quiet only now and then saw some wild ducks flew high in the sky chirping back and forth. I was fascinated by the birds' singing. I listened so tentatively that my 3rd sister also joined me in watching the flying birds in the sky and mimicking their sound. Their tone sounded like huu-huu-gei-gei....huu-huu-gei-gei...repeatedly. I asked my sister what was the bird saying? Sister said, "they are saying 'look, look, I am getting married, I am getting married'." At that moment I thought sister was very smart that she understood bird's language.

Another bit memory recorded during this paddy visit was rather embarrassing to mention, but it reflected the hygiene level of that era. I suddenly had a strong urge to toilet when I was playing. I told 3rd sister my need. She looked around the surrounding to make sure no one was coming toward us and then she asked me to poo right at that spot. She proceeded to pull my shorts down. Feeling embarrassed for being exposed to others' eyeshot, I held my shorts tightly. Sister said to me, "I cover you from their viewing and you be quick!" Her tone was rather anxious.

So I pulled down the shorts myself and squatted down and did a quick poo. Then, another problem came up, no toilet paper. In 1950's Taiwan, the toilet paper was as abrasive as the packaging tray of eggs. It looked like they were made of rice stalk because of its yellowish color and the stem chips were visible. But it was reasonable for the lowest grade of paper being used to wipe the bum clean. The problem was sister did not bring toilet paper along on that day.

She searched with her eyeshot on the ground and picked up a stone as big as a golf ball with the smoothest surface to give to me. I think I was pretty smart then as I got what she meant with that stone. I grabbed it and gently scratched my ass hole, threw that stone away, and pulled up my shorts. Felt relieved.

As a post World-War II baby boomer, we have witnessed and experienced the dramatic changes and improvement of living standard.

I am most impressed by the evolution of toilet happened during our generation. Until mid 1960's, almost all of the toilets, my home's, schools', bus station's, were of the type as shown in the sketch. On the center of the raised platform is a ditch with a slop leading to a big cavity in the ground outside of the house, and you know that's where all the shit and urine go to through that sliding slop. When you use the toilet, you firstly step up the two stairs and enter the cubicle, turn around, step one foot across the ditch, squat down and then you are ready to go. Oh yes, remember to close the door. Outside at the back of the cubicle is a wooden lid that covers up the waste storing cavity to prevent people from stepping into the hole.

Naturally it is always very stinky even though the toilet cubicle is usually built with maximum ventilation openings on the top. So it is normally located seprately from the house. Summer in Taiwan is hot and this makes the smell in the cubicle terrible.

Who empties the waste for you? Expensive?

Well, no fee charged for the removal of the waste, nonetheless, now and then, we even saw a bunch of vegetable was left by the lid of the waste storing cavity for us. The kind farmer who fetched the waste to use as fertilizer for his farm land did this as a return for using the free fertilizer.

So because of the nature of this kind of toilet facility, the stinky smell makes every user only occupies it as short a time as they can. In contrary to modern toilet which some users bring their books or newspaper in to read while the major task is being done. So I suppose that was why constipation was rarely heard of in the olden day, because everyone can not wait to run away from it as soon as the feat is done.

Once, when I was about 10 years old, I used the toilet early one winter morning. I heard some noise from outside of the cubicle when I was only half way through my bowl movement, suddenly a good blow of wind carrying the most vintage odor of the waste hit my buttock and my smell sensor. I realized that was that kind farmer doing his respectful deed. I held my breath, skillfully stopped at where I was, rapidly wiped the butt clean and rushed out of the cubicle, almost suffocated.

Then in 1963, we moved to live in a new house which had two toilets both were of the flux type of modern standard. What a big leap of toilet evolution.

I also saw a calculator as heavy as some 10 kgs. I used it myself actually, when I was in my military service at the Cadet Training Center in 1974, for summing up cadets competence assessments. Within just 4 years, in 1979, I was shown by my colleague his pocket calculator powered by one AAA battery, doing faster calculation than the one I used earlier.

Then the baby boomer saw many other things changed in rapid modification process: mobile phone, computer, television, data storage device, recorder, video camera, and such and such, the list goes on. All are appealing to make our life easier and happier. But are people's life easier and happier now compared to 1950's?

The baby boomer say: nope! Pursuing only the material pleasure is not the answer for happiness, there got to be some other stuff we have overlooked.

Mind Chatter - Self-talker in the mind

I can not recall the approximate time, now, when did I begin to notice there was a chatter inside me. The chatter I am talking about here is not a hallucinative one which whispers into our ears, but the one that comes out of the ego from our minds. Or may be I should term it the mind self-talker.

For a brief experiment on myself. I stop writing this post at this point. I close my eyes with an intention of still my thought and see what goes on during the following one minute.

Now I recount what have arisen in the mind. First of all the chatter started "Gee, it is chilly today" "it is cloudy" "what am I doing" "a mind chatter experiment" "what is Robbie doing? on the web? He got a good job." "why my mind is so busy?" "what to write in the blog?" "something that I have experienced." "Chenny promised to broaden his guitar teaching a bit, to include classical guitar music".

To my personal view point, the content that flashed through my mind in the one minute experiment is like a mass of entangled thread. It is possible to be guided toward a desired topic, but once there, it freely jumps onto something else, and just a short moment later it is gone to another one. It is like a curious wild monkey being put on a leash, but never settles down at any time.

If we look into our mind closely we will only then realize our mind is constantly talking and chatting all the time till we fall into sleep. Or perhaps even most of the time during sleep, the mind is still restlessly talking itself into the dream. This incessant mind chatting may result in poor productivity, inefficiency, chronicle fatigue, and eventually become a stubborn part of us that we find it annoying but we just tightly embrace it and react to it. And many of us, unfortunate enough, end up having to rely on sleeping pills, to take anti-depressant, or to consult mental health professionals.

Don't scare me! It is not that serious!

But it is true. I have heard of an estimated figure that one-fourth of the world population will experience some form of mental problem in any given year.

May be you will argue that you only think about happy stuff. Your mind chatting topics are all surrounding good and peaceful notions. Then, I congratulate you that you may be put in the lucky three-fourth world population.

However, according to law of impermanence, there is just nothing that will remain the same permanently. At least we all have to go through the major life issues - aging, sickness and death, each of which will throw us into pathetic mind chatting for sure.

I suppose that 2500 years ago when Prince Siddhatha found the way of ceasing the wandering thoughts and achieved Buddhahood, he realized the cause of suffering was this constant mind chatter that sooner or later leads us into thoughts of craving, hatred and ignorance if we don't get them under control. He decided to walk into the world to teach all the beings the technique of genuine awakening.

Recently I came across this passage when I was searching for discussion group on this topic in Chinese web pages: "狂心若歇﹐歇即菩提" which means "Once the wandering thought ceases, the wisdom emerges." (Please forgive me if my translation is off the original meaning too much.) This text is said to be originated from Surangama Sutra, and has made me ponder on how to tame the wandering mind.

So in the past three years since I was introduced to the Pure Land path, I have been at the same time in quest for the possibility of putting this wandering mind, or mind chatter, at ease, hoping to gain at least some happiness if not the complete awakening.

All the techniques had been tried. Sitting Zen, sutra chanting, visualization, walking meditation, mindfulness training, observing precepts, guided meditation and some mundane methods were adopted at different stage of the quest but the anticipated outcome was dim.

Finally came Master Chin Kung's persuasive explanation about why Buddha most recommended the method of chanting Amituofo to followers of this era.

Because the mind chatter has evolved to be far more stubborn and polluted by today's worldly temptation than the one in ancient days. Now that it is almost impossible to cease its constant chatting, we can coax it into chanting Amituofo. When the chanting becomes the whole thing of the chatter, that state is equivalent to enlightenment.

The logic is convincing to me. What about you?

Introducing Mrs. Lee's art works

This Chinese character means Buddha. It was written, or I should say, painted on a framed canvas with color oil paints, by Mrs. Lee, our family friend. It looks like she is doing calligraphy on this character. But, traditionally, Chinese calligraphy is done on absorbent cotton paper with water based black ink, while this work is done on canvas with oil based color paint.

Mrs. Lee calls her painging style "Buddha Calligraphy Oil Painting". The style name implies that all her works are surrounding on this Chinese character "Buddha" exclusively; are in various calligraphy patterns; and are done with oil painting skills.

Mrs. Lee loves oil painting. She loves the richness of its colors. She tried to describe for me about how she was overwhelmed by the antient oil painting works displayed in Louvre Museum when she visited Paris ten or more years ago. "That sudden wonder I had upon viewing those art works was hard for me to describe. Perhaps the seed of my fondness of oil painting was nurtured by those masterpieces at that moment and started its sprouting. I had been pondering on oil painting works after we left Paris."

About five years ago, Mrs. Lee was referred to Master Chin Kung's DVD lectures on Buddhism. Through learning Buddhism together with her husband, her spiritual practice progressed steadily. She learned from Master Chin Kung that by observing precepts so one can attain concentration; by holding concentration so one attains wisdom, the perfect state of enlightenment. During this stage she had the idea of practicing concentration by doing calligraphy.

"I think now that I am a devoted Buddhist, why not begin my practice on the 佛﹐Buddha?" So she did her first calligraphy of 佛﹐Buddha, in the conventional way, by using paint brush, ink stone, ink tray, and absorbent cotton paper.

She gazed at her calligraphy upon its completion for a while, at that moment, the feeling she had buried in her mind after that visit to the Louvre Museum sprang out. The idea of integrating the three areas - spiritual practice, calligraphy and oil painting, emerged. Not long after that wonderful inventive day, she had all the materials need for the so called "Buddha calligraphy oil painting" ready in her studio.

"I usually enter a blissful mind state when I work on this art, no exception," she said, "it has been my method of cultivating concentration, and my way of getting solace whenever I have any worrying thing in my mind."

I noticed that one of the pieces was a 佛 riding on space shuttle, and I asked her what was in her mind when she combined this two mutually contradicting subjects into one picture. She said, "The public has misunderstood Buddhism as being superstitious, while as a matter of fact Buddhism exists everywhere throughout the univers, in our daily living, so I was trying to tell the spectators even the success in launching a space shuttle which is the product of all the top forms of science and engineering is the manifestation of Buddha nature."

As time goes by, her works is cramming up her small studio, so she has another idea. "I had this strong urge of sharing my enjoyment from doing Buddha calligraphy oil painting with others." she said.

Mr. Lee, her husband, is also a very devoted Buddhist. He organized a Buddhism learning group on the North Shore. He helped to give many items of his wife's art work away through the Buddhist group.

Yet, she wants to spread her joy to many more other groups. I asked her what kind of price would she put on her works.

"The materials are affordable to me, my labor and time are the offerings to Buddhism, so I am very happy to give away free," she said, "but if anyone who does feel the blissfulness from the works is willing to share the cost, they can pay whatever amount they like as donation to Amitabha North Shore Association".

Being moved by her devotion to Buddhism and her pursuit of Dharmic bliss, I volunteered to construct a website for her to publicize her ideas and artworks.

So this concludes the story of Mrs. Lee's unique Buddha Calligraphy Oil Painting.

Happiness

One of my previous posts, Guide to Happiness – Di Zi Gui, draws the most visits among all of my posts. This reflects a fact that people all over the world are keen to secure happiness, or are not so happy that they seek for ideas on the web.

I write post on happiness. This does not necessarily mean I am happy or I am a doctor of happiness. Instead, I am like the most of those happiness seekers, I do sometimes Google “happiness” for ideas of pursuing real happiness. With lots of reflection on this issue, I have gained some knowledge about it.

First I conclude the cause of being unhappy is that we do things in a self-centred mind.

Unfolding from the self-centred mind setting we will subsequently and naturally trap in thoughts that arise to defend for this Self. These thoughts urge the Self to go ahead fighting for the desired result even if harming others is necessary. This process ends up in an exhausted body and mind no matter the desired result is achieved or not.

Example: An office guy is overly self-centred. He is ambitious to be promoted. We can predict how is he going to behave, what is he going to do, what will he be thinking. He is likely to do anything to impress his boss. He tends to tell tale of his prospective competitors. He will deliberately show off his skills whenever he can. The end result of his ambition could be like this. He wins in the competition and gets his promotion. He is happy for some time, then he finds so many of his colleagues dislike him. He has achieved something but is unhappy about some other things.

All the day-to-day things we experience are in this pattern – we achieve something and be happy a bit but at the same time we find some other things annoying arise. If we allow this self-centred mind setting to remain or even to grow bigger, we suffer; we experience the sense of being unhappy.

Now that we agree the cause of being unhappy is from being self-centred, is it easy to get rid of that kind of mind setting? The answer is positive. The evidence is the historical Buddha, the prince of ancient India, Siddhattha Gotama, and numerous spiritual sages and teachers.

But folks, it is never an easy task to completely reverse the self-centred mind setting to become the other-centred one. To say is always easier than to be done. It took the Buddha eons of time to achieve the goal. He is on the extreme end of the happy scale, let’s say, the ultimate 100% achievement. The rest of the real happy sages and spiritual teachers fall on the scale from 70% to 99%, I estimate. Thus if we are able to achieve a 10% other-centred and a 90% self-centred mind setting, we should begin to feel a sense of genuine happiness arising.

What is the formula of the self-centred to other-centred transforming process?

As I am a Buddhist, so I believe the formula is in Buddha’s teachings recorded in all the sutras. They say the Buddha has taught 84 thousand methods of the transforming technique to suit each unique individual happiness seeker.

I would like to conclude this post by a verse taught by Master Yin Guang, thirteenth Patriarch of Pure Land Buddhism. He says if one can endeavour to comply with the life attitude set out below one is not far from Buddhahood, the ultimate blissful state.

• 敦倫盡份 閒邪存誠 諸惡莫做 眾善奉行。Play your role well and fulfil your responsibility; Disable the evil thoughts and remain the purity; Refrain from all bad deeds; Put hands on all good deeds.

Guide To A Happy Life – Di Zi Gui (弟子規)

This pamphlet caught my eyes one day in a Buddhist group cultivation session which I attend regularly. It was displayed among many other Buddhism publications on the table for free circulation. It drew my attention not because of its delicate cover design but the subtitle “GUIDE TO A HAPPY LIFE”. I said to myself silently “Gee, hope this guide does bring happiness to me.”

I turned to the introduction page of this pamphlet and read “Confucius believed that moral principles, virtues and discipline should be the very first lesson taught to a child, and that children should practice them daily.” That means a happy life can only be achieved if the foundation of being a good child is carefully laid at a young age. So this is a book teaching children to become a good people when they grow up. But the subtitle “GUIDE TO A HAPPY LIFE” sounds that it is a set of guides applies to people of all age.

Indeed this set of guides should be followed fully in order to guarantee a happy life. Why? Because the learning outcome found in a child can only be excellent if the parents and people surrounding this child are leading good examples. Therefore, this book is not just created to teach the children but also the adults. It is understandable to me that the happiest parents are those whose children are behaving and performing nicely. A child with good behaviour learns other subjects more efficiently. A student with good learning efficiency achieves life goals more easily. Thus, each step of their life is getting good influence from this set of guides set out by the ancient sages, and this brings about long lasting happiness to all the parents, children and people concerned. Isn’t this logical?

It is not just logical, it really works. Recently Master Chin Kung made an experiment in teaching this book to the children and interested adults in a small town called Tangchi in Anhui Province. He anticipated a notable result to be achieved from this experiment in 3 years; however, a good result emerged in half a year instead. He said this result proved that people are educable. This town has a lot of moving stories now. The crime rate obviously drops. Children are polite. Their learning records improve. And adults are leading good example. The leaders of other cities are seeking for this kind of education to be delivered to their residents.

A happy life is what everyone looking for throughout their life. Recently I heard a lot of news from Radio Live about tragedies caused by gambling, party pill and alcohol. Nowadays we tend to choose any method that brings instant effect. It is fair to do so. But the result tells us there is no bargain in getting happiness. The deluded happy feeling only lasts a few hours and perhaps ends up with a lot of trouble. For the sake of creating a happy society, why don’t we get this educational pamphlet a try? If it is promoted and carried out properly, it should generate a good outcome in one year.

This pamphlet is accessible following the link below. It is published in bilingual format, and is welcomed to download for free circulation. Amitofohttp://www.amtb.org.tw/pdf/hz32-05.pdf