My first involvement in group meditation took place in Ponsonby Library, Auckland, in a evening of April or May of 1992. The group was lead by Jim Jinmon Langabeer whose teacher was based in the Zen Mountain Manastery, New York, following the Koan tradition of Japanese Zen Buddhism. Prior to my first time involvement, I never had attended any sitting meditation. All I knew about meditation was sitting with legs crossed, closing my eyes, stopping my thoughts, and when I sit right and maintain at the right state long enough, I will be able to experience the divine feeling only the one who has achieved that level can appreciate. So that was the objective and there I was, the only Asian, sitting among the group of about 10 European Buddhists.
My objective was not achieved, and so did any other fellow sitters that night, but everyone seemed to be happier because I could see everyone smiled peacefully, acting gently, and some of them claimed the one hour session would keep them at high level of energy through the following week. I had a numb right leg that night I remembered, and it was a physical and mental challenge to my endurance of a spiritually disciplined sitting. But I also smiled; commented that was a supportive group, and I would like to join in the sitting regularly. One thing for sure that the Buddha, the teacher, who attained his Buddhahood through 7 day non-stop deep meditation. If he could, I could, at least, train my mind to be clearer, calmer and happier.
Time goes by rapidly, 19 years have entered into the history since my first sitting, yet I have not become another Buddha. Not even have I become more capable of taming my piece of mind. I realized recently that the goal is enlightenment-- a thorough and complete realization of the supreme truth and fact of the universe. According Buddhism scripture, it took innumerable eons of time to expect a sentient being’s continuous hard practice to achieve Buddhahood. To my extremely worldly way of thinking, that is an unachievable goal, why do it. My belief is it will make us keep on being traped in the non-stop cycles of birth and death from this life to the next and next for sure if we don’t follow the teachings at all; or have hope that one day the consistent practice will reward us with a happier, healthier and wealthier life, though it seems to be in the unreachable future.
In 2009, I was forwarded by a friend a link to a video clip presented by a brain researcher scientist, Dr. Jill Taylor. In the video, Dr. Taylor told the audience a story occurred 15 years ago about what had happened to her during the period of time in one morning when she experienced a major stoke. As she was an expert of human brain, she knew what exactly was happening in her left brain that was causing her feeling the ways she had never experienced before.
She firstly told the audience that a human brain is composed of two separated halves and each one of them functions totally differently -- the left one is like a serial processor of a computer, it processes data in series, meaning it checks and compares the data received just now against the data in the past, gives you result of its analysis, defines everything in detail, pulls you apart from the universe; the right half processes data in parallel-- it takes in massive of massive of data, no past or future but now only. So in that morning when the vessel of her left brain erupted and the function of that part was on and off alternately and deteriorated rapidly but gradually.
Before she managed to move herself to reach the telephone to call for help, she clearly remembered the feeling of the various periods when the left brain was partially on, she felt unbearable noise and anxiety, pushed her to be quick to take action to do this and that; but when the left brain functioning is off, she felt she was mixed in the universe, felt huge peacefulness, compassion. On the way to the hospital, she felt she was in that lovely state she thought she had found Nirvana, and if she could, everyone alive could too. At the end of her speech, she appealed that we could choose to spend more time in the circuitry of our right brain as it will help to project more peacefulness and compassion onto the world.
The part of Dr. Taylor’s speech that most motivated me is her testimony of the mind state when the left half of the brain is in silent mode. If I compare what she experienced during that morning of her stroke with the objective of practicing meditation, they are so matching. Our masters taught us to do meditation for the ultimate goal of achieving the Buddhahood which to my understanding, after I have watched Dr. Taylor’s presentation, means the unimaginable peaceful and compassionate state she experienced herself as a brain researcher.
So it makes sense to me now to practice meditation consistently. I think my neighbor will be curious about why he sees my studio light is on at the dawn time more often now.
