Grandpa ever said so to grandma

Grandpa died at the age of 59, well before I was born, however I have heard quite a lot of his stories from my parents and my eldest cousin, Jinshia who was the most pampered grandchild of my grandma. My mother told me that my grandma always took Jinshia along wherever she went.

Grandpa was born in Taiwan. His father immigrated at age 9, to Taiwan with relatives from Fujian province of China. So my grandpa is the second generation of Chen family in Taiwan. He learned a skill in the carpentry trade after he grew up, and made a fortune in this field. He was appointed as Horshio(保正), equivalent to Justice of the Peace in New Zealand today, by the authority during Japanese ruling of Taiwan.

My overall impression about grandpa is that he is a gentleman. He was popular among his friends. My mother said that whenever he was not working, there were always friends in his office chatting or singing together. Besides feeding a team of about 10 apprentices and able carpenters, he also generously and frequently took his aunties, uncles and his cousins from the country side to stay at our home during the festival events, and provided them accommodation, food and pocket money.

Wealthy people as he was in his day were commonly having concubines, but he was one of the few exceptions. My cousin Jinshia told me that it was not only because our grandma was very beautiful but also because of grandpa’s virtue of respecting others. He respected grandma very much. Jinshia said that as far as she could recall, she never heard grandpa said anything harsh to his wife. His tone in speaking to her always sounded polite and respectful.

In 1968, when the combined cemetery of Chen family was finished with its reconstruction, we all went to the cemetery located on the hill side of Ching Shui to pay our respect and worship to the ancestors. By the entrance of the tomb yard, we saw a woman weeping in great sadness in front of a new tomb. Upon seeing this scenario, my cousin, Jinshia told me that once on the Tomb Sweeping Festival after grandpa had died, she accompanied grandma to the cemetery. On the route toward grandpa’s tomb, they saw a woman crying sadly in front of a tombstone. That reminded grandma of the words grandpa had said to her when he was still alive.

Jinshia said to me with eyes staring far as if she was with grandma on that time at that place, “Grandma told me that once she came to the tomb yard with her husband and saw someone crying sadly in front of a tomb.” She continued. “Grandpa tenderly held grandma’s hands when they saw this, and said to her ‘Yuan, I hope you don’t cry as sad as that woman upon my death as that will make me feel sorry for you.’ And there they passed by that woman rapidly.”

That was how my grandpa treated others. Through Jinshia’s words of mouth, grandpa’s good examples are passed down. And I hope, through this blog, it will be transmitted to my children and their children.

How dad met mum?

This picture was taken sometime in 1973. Being held on dad’s lap is my 4th sister’s youngest son, Zonghsing. The smiley boy standing beside my mum is 4th sister’s eldest son, Menghsing. My eldest sister’s son, Anzhi is in white shirt in the back row. The one in blue cotton-wadded coat is me.

Mum was the second daughter of a tenant farmer who grew crops on my grandfather’s land. Every now and then, my grandfather would travel to their home to collect the rent from this farmer, and that was how he knew something about this girl who later became his daughter-in-law.

Mum once told me a story about my grandfather’s wisdom of selecting the right daughter-in-law. During the land lease period, there was a drought. Her father could not heap enough crops to feed his family and to pay for the rent. Her eldest brother, who was a big helper in the farm then, argued with the father. “Dad, pay less to the landlord as it is all we can do.” said her big brother. “No, we can not break our agreement in the rent. Let’s pay the rent in full and eat less in each meal for the rest of the year. It is important to be a trustable tenant.” So without knowing about the tenant’s hardship, my grandfather collected the full payment of rent.

When my dad was 10 years old, my grandfather suggested to my grandmother that they should adopt a good girl to preserve as their daughter-in-law. By doing so, they would have sufficient time to train the would-be-daughter-in-law into an obedient wife for their son. This adoption of a would-be-daughter-in-law for the son was a common practice among wealthy families of my grandfather’s generation. “That’s a good idea, but do you have the right one in mind?” said my grandmother. “The second daughter of our tenant is also 10 years old now. She will be our best choice. She is healthy and good looking. It will never be wrong to choose our daughter-in-law from a trustable family such as our tenant’s” said my grandfather.

So at the age of 10, my mother was sent to the Chen family and being trained with all sort of household chores. She could not have good clothing and shoes to wear prior to her arrival, now she was given all these luxuries, and the most important to her was school education. She stayed as top student in the primary school. Her teacher helped her ask for permit to carry on her education in high school, but was declined by my grandmother who believed that a wife without high education was easier to be disciplined.

At the age of 18, dad and mum were “送作堆”(‘put together’) as a married couple. Dad was lucky that he was served nicely by his well trained wife. Throughout their marriage life, mum did all the household chores and taught us how to be a trustable person. I love dad and mum, but frankly to say, I love mum more.

Happy New Year

It is the new year’s day of 2007. Everyone has more or less forms of celebration on this day. Travelling, climbing mountains, walking in the bush, reading books, eating or even sleeping are just a few examples of the New Year holiday activities. To me, I use of this time to write a blog posting as my form of celebrating the start of the New Year.

I have wished my families, relatives and friends a Happy New Year annually for at least 50 times since I had memory about everyday life. Chinese celebrates Lunar New Year which is about one month following the New Year of the solar calendar. To a child of my generation, New Year is an exciting day for many reasons. New clothing, big feast, toys, money given in a read envelope and a lot of social activities such as dragon dance, lion dance, fire works, parade of various performing groups. Children could be looking forward to the New Year’s arrival a few weeks earlier. I remembered that each time before the New Year arrived; I vowed to hold on it and would never loose it. But, after a few years of life experience, I finally realised that New Year is never in our control, it slips away and it sneaks in quietly and stubbornly.

While New Year is an eagerly desired holiday to children, it is rather an unwelcome event to adults of different mind sets because its arrival reminds them that they are one year older. Examples of people having this kind of feeling are such as entertainers, stage performers, good looking women, the elderly and etc. To them, the arrival of New Year means their enjoyable life has been deducted by one year.

Why do people have such different feeling about New Year, the feeling about time? Buddha points out that it is because of our minds craving for the pleasant objects, and this results in the feeling of loss. The feeling about time is actually an unreal phenomenon. In the Mind Sutra: “When in a meditation of deep wisdom, Boddhisatva witnessed that the cores of the five sensory mechanisms were of emptiness.” So if one can harness his mind effectively, one can maintain a genuine peace of mind. This mind state can be achieved by doing the appropriate meditation practice according to the self nature of each individual. Many highly experienced meditation practitioners in the world can witness this true fact about mind.
In reflection of feelings about New Year, I now feel that the meaning of my New Year’s wishes toward my dear family, relatives, friends is not just the worldly blessing but also the understanding of the nature of mind.