Why practice meditation

My first involvement in group meditation took place in Ponsonby Library, Auckland, in a evening of April or May of 1992. The group was lead by Jim Jinmon Langabeer whose teacher was based in the Zen Mountain Manastery, New York, following the Koan tradition of Japanese Zen Buddhism. Prior to my first time involvement, I never had attended any sitting meditation. All I knew about meditation was sitting with legs crossed, closing my eyes, stopping my thoughts, and when I sit right and maintain at the right state long enough, I will be able to experience the divine feeling only the one who has achieved that level can appreciate. So that was the objective and there I was, the only Asian, sitting among the group of about 10 European Buddhists.

My objective was not achieved, and so did any other fellow sitters that night, but everyone seemed to be happier because I could see everyone smiled peacefully, acting gently, and some of them claimed the one hour session would keep them at high level of energy through the following week. I had a numb right leg that night I remembered, and it was a physical and mental challenge to my endurance of a spiritually disciplined sitting. But I also smiled; commented that was a supportive group, and I would like to join in the sitting regularly. One thing for sure that the Buddha, the teacher, who attained his Buddhahood through 7 day non-stop deep meditation. If he could, I could, at least, train my mind to be clearer, calmer and happier.

Time goes by rapidly, 19 years have entered into the history since my first sitting, yet I have not become another Buddha. Not even have I become more capable of taming my piece of mind. I realized recently that the goal is enlightenment-- a thorough and complete realization of the supreme truth and fact of the universe. According Buddhism scripture, it took innumerable eons of time to expect a sentient being’s continuous hard practice to achieve Buddhahood. To my extremely worldly way of thinking, that is an unachievable goal, why do it. My belief is it will make us keep on being traped in the non-stop cycles of birth and death from this life to the next and next for sure if we don’t follow the teachings at all; or have hope that one day the consistent practice will reward us with a happier, healthier and wealthier life, though it seems to be in the unreachable future.

In 2009, I was forwarded by a friend a link to a video clip presented by a brain researcher scientist, Dr. Jill Taylor. In the video, Dr. Taylor told the audience a story occurred 15 years ago about what had happened to her during the period of time in one morning when she experienced a major stoke. As she was an expert of human brain, she knew what exactly was happening in her left brain that was causing her feeling the ways she had never experienced before.

She firstly told the audience that a human brain is composed of two separated halves and each one of them functions totally differently -- the left one is like a serial processor of a computer, it processes data in series, meaning it checks and compares the data received just now against the data in the past, gives you result of its analysis, defines everything in detail, pulls you apart from the universe; the right half processes data in parallel-- it takes in massive of massive of data, no past or future but now only. So in that morning when the vessel of her left brain erupted and the function of that part was on and off alternately and deteriorated rapidly but gradually.

Before she managed to move herself to reach the telephone to call for help, she clearly remembered the feeling of the various periods when the left brain was partially on, she felt unbearable noise and anxiety, pushed her to be quick to take action to do this and that; but when the left brain functioning is off, she felt she was mixed in the universe, felt huge peacefulness, compassion. On the way to the hospital, she felt she was in that lovely state she thought she had found Nirvana, and if she could, everyone alive could too. At the end of her speech, she appealed that we could choose to spend more time in the circuitry of our right brain as it will help to project more peacefulness and compassion onto the world.

The part of Dr. Taylor’s speech that most motivated me is her testimony of the mind state when the left half of the brain is in silent mode. If I compare what she experienced during that morning of her stroke with the objective of practicing meditation, they are so matching. Our masters taught us to do meditation for the ultimate goal of achieving the Buddhahood which to my understanding, after I have watched Dr. Taylor’s presentation, means the unimaginable peaceful and compassionate state she experienced herself as a brain researcher.

So it makes sense to me now to practice meditation consistently. I think my neighbor will be curious about why he sees my studio light is on at the dawn time more often now.

My Zen Retreat Experience

I had my first and only one experience of Zen retreat in May 1992. Although I now practice Pure Land Buddhism and realize the importance of focusing in this technique, from time to time, I would recall the activities I had taken part in during that 3 day Zen retreat.

1992 was the year when we immigrated to New Zealand. To start this big move, I came by myself alone in March in order to find a right home for the family to live in. During this stage, apart from looking for a house, I was also seeking for local Buddhist group where I could have social life and spiritual practice.

Through phone book, I got in touch with a Buddhist group called Dorje Chang. I explained the purpose of my visit. The man who met me asked me what kind of Buddhism I liked to be in. I really had no idea when I was asked with this question. But somehow, I described something like sitting in meditation. So he thought I liked Zen tradition and gave me a number of Zen Society.

The organizer of the Auckland group of Zen Society was a kind elderly called Jim. He asked me to meet him in their regular sitting venue in a library in Ponsonby. I had my first time ever formal sitting with a group of about 10 Zen Buddhists, all were Europeans, that evening. Despite the numbness on legs after the sitting, I found I really enjoyed the solemn atmosphere and the serenity of the zendo setting. Thus, I became a regular attendee of this group till I left for Taiwan to fetch my family in June.

In one of the sitting sessions, Jim announced that he was going to organize a weekend zen retreat to be held in a camping field in Swanson, Western Auckland in May. The fellow practitioner sitting next to me that evening urged me to experience this wonderful activity. So I enrolled on.

It was a cold Friday evening. The winter was almost there when the zen retreat began. Jim was the first one arriving the camp with full load of food in his yellow Ford station wagon. I volunteered to help unloading the stocks. Before long, it was almost dark and everyone had arrived with smiley face.

The zendo would be set up in the central activity hall. Jim assigned each of us a task to be completed before the formal retreat commencement ritual that night. My assignment was to wipe the zendo wooden floor sparkly clean with some other fellow helpers. By 7pm, all the tasks were done, and we all gathered in the dinning room for Jim’s instructions about this activity.

The activity would formally commence from the start of dinner. The dinner was of vegetarian dishes. Complete silence would be kept throughout the retreat period. Not even a wink of eye to each other when we encountered on the paths of the field. This was aimed to keep us focus on our mind all the time. All activity sessions would be signalled by means of bell, wood block. Actually this activity is a mini size of a traditional zen monastic life. Wow, by accident I was put in this kind of experience. Wouldn’t it be cool?

The dinner began finally. I was really hungry. We all sit in silence on our seats waiting for the rice to be passed to you. When it arrives, you scoop some in your bowl according to your need. Then wait for the other side dishes to come around and you scoop the right amount into your plate. And when the dish passing is finished, you start eating your meal. We were suggested before the dinner that the process of meal time was a training of mindfulness.

After dinner, only a couple of volunteers were helping washing and tidy up in the kitchen, the rest of us walked to zendo upon hearing the striking of the wooden block. Zendo was illuminated only by two candles stood beside Buddha’s statue. Along the walls of the two sides were two rows of sitting mattress, called Rahu. The leading monk was a Kiwi who was ordained in L.A., called Mike. He led us to do 15 minute walking zen followed by 30 minute sitting zen. What impressed me a lot was Mike’s shadow on the wall. His shadow radiated sort of concentration of his mind. I believed it was the result of constant practice.

Night meditation was over on the bell rings. Mike led us to walk out of zendo. Then it was time for all sorts of individual needs such as a cup of tea, toilet, shower or whatever, but everyone had to be in the bed before the wooden block was striken.

Four persons shared a hut of two bunks. Nobody shared the hut with me, so I had more space to keep my personal belongings. It was really cold. The bedding I brought for this retreat was not warm enough, but it was only a two night stay anyway. I said to myself this could be the first time in my life I would be in silence for two whole days. Wow! How cool it is.

The wooden block sounded again when it was still very dark. It was 4:45am. My first thought when I was woken up by the block striking was about the days when I went through my new soldier training in Taiwan many years ago. I dressed up quickly and quietly walked to the washing room. The whole room was full of steam because everyone was having a morning shower.

The second block striking meant gathering in zendo for sitting meditation, or razen. That was a sitting session before the breakfast. How cold it was in the spacious zendo early in the morning, but it might be the best time for mindfulness training. Besides coldness, I heard stomach rumbling sound here and there. Everyone must be very hungry. What a distraction! But again, this is what practice is about.

After breakfast, there was a short break for everyone to sort out whatever was needed to be done prior to the morning sessions. I only remembered there were endless sitting meditations and walking meditations in the second day of the retreat. For a few times, I fell asleep during razen. Encouragingly, I had short moments of mind stillness. That stillness really made me feel an indescribable joy. Some people term it the Dharma joy.

The third day was half day activity. We did a lot of cleaning on the building, windows, kitchen floor. Jim later explained that this cleaning tasks we had done was called working zen. It was a time to train our mind to concentrate on what we were doing. By the way, we gave the rented facility back to the landlord in clean condition.

After the lunch, we chanted a verse and it concluded our retreat. At this moment, many of the attendees took a deep breath and made a big grin and began to talk and talk loudly. We said good bye to each other. Although I said to one of the fellow Buddhists that I really enjoyed and would like to join again later, I found all my time was spent for my family after I brought them over in September 1992 and could not do what I had said.

I hope all the people I met in that retreat are well and are practicing their Buddhism as diligently as before.