How dad met mum?

This picture was taken sometime in 1973. Being held on dad’s lap is my 4th sister’s youngest son, Zonghsing. The smiley boy standing beside my mum is 4th sister’s eldest son, Menghsing. My eldest sister’s son, Anzhi is in white shirt in the back row. The one in blue cotton-wadded coat is me.

Mum was the second daughter of a tenant farmer who grew crops on my grandfather’s land. Every now and then, my grandfather would travel to their home to collect the rent from this farmer, and that was how he knew something about this girl who later became his daughter-in-law.

Mum once told me a story about my grandfather’s wisdom of selecting the right daughter-in-law. During the land lease period, there was a drought. Her father could not heap enough crops to feed his family and to pay for the rent. Her eldest brother, who was a big helper in the farm then, argued with the father. “Dad, pay less to the landlord as it is all we can do.” said her big brother. “No, we can not break our agreement in the rent. Let’s pay the rent in full and eat less in each meal for the rest of the year. It is important to be a trustable tenant.” So without knowing about the tenant’s hardship, my grandfather collected the full payment of rent.

When my dad was 10 years old, my grandfather suggested to my grandmother that they should adopt a good girl to preserve as their daughter-in-law. By doing so, they would have sufficient time to train the would-be-daughter-in-law into an obedient wife for their son. This adoption of a would-be-daughter-in-law for the son was a common practice among wealthy families of my grandfather’s generation. “That’s a good idea, but do you have the right one in mind?” said my grandmother. “The second daughter of our tenant is also 10 years old now. She will be our best choice. She is healthy and good looking. It will never be wrong to choose our daughter-in-law from a trustable family such as our tenant’s” said my grandfather.

So at the age of 10, my mother was sent to the Chen family and being trained with all sort of household chores. She could not have good clothing and shoes to wear prior to her arrival, now she was given all these luxuries, and the most important to her was school education. She stayed as top student in the primary school. Her teacher helped her ask for permit to carry on her education in high school, but was declined by my grandmother who believed that a wife without high education was easier to be disciplined.

At the age of 18, dad and mum were “送作堆”(‘put together’) as a married couple. Dad was lucky that he was served nicely by his well trained wife. Throughout their marriage life, mum did all the household chores and taught us how to be a trustable person. I love dad and mum, but frankly to say, I love mum more.